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Lady Gwendoline de Vries
Abbey House
Early February 1948
Dear Nancy,
I trust your Christmas was a delightful affair, suffused with its usual gaiety and good-natured merriment. Forgive my intrusion regarding my daughter, Inez. I have some small concerns following her brief return home for the holidays, and wondered whether you had observed any corresponding change as she settles again into Saint Clare’s.
During her time here, the household staff observed that Inez was less attentive to her room than has been her habit. In some respects, her standards appeared to have slipped rather than improved, falling below those she maintained even two years ago. The housekeeper remarked that she seemed uncertain how to make her bed properly or to hang a dress as expected. Her punctuality, too, was less exact than usual, a change I noted myself. None of these lapses were of any consequence in themselves, but their consistency was sufficient to attract comment and to create unnecessary work for others.
Yet in reading Inez’s Saint Clare reports, I find no mention of such tendencies. On the contrary, she is described as tidy, meticulous, and even helpful — a portrayal that accords well with my recollection that the School holds its standards firmly and tolerates little slippage. I find myself at a loss to reconcile the difference between Inez’s conduct at home and at school, and should be grateful to know whether you have observed anything similar there, or whether the School’s routines continue to hold her more squarely than our own household arrangements appear to do.
I should welcome your judgement, given the care with which you attend to such matters.
With kind regards,
Yours sincerely,
Gwennie
Dear Gwennie,
Thank you for your letter. Your concern in this matter is not misplaced.
At school, I have neither seen nor heard of the untidiness or imprecision you describe. On the contrary, Inez is generally exact in her habits here. Her dormitory space is kept in good order, and she is punctual without much prompting. When she is corrected, she accepts discipline readily and seldom repeats the same fault. From my observations, the School’s routines suit her temperament quite well, which, as you know, is not always the case for girls raised largely in isolation.
You are quite right that at Saint Clare’s such matters are not left to drift. Expectations are stated plainly, and the consequences of straying from them are equally plain. Girls are not required to enjoy or agree with the rules, only to understand them and abide by them. Once this is done, order tends to establish itself quickly. It is seldom necessary to repeat a visible correction, and one girl slippered for whispers after lights-out will often quiet an entire dormitory for a fortnight.
In light of this, the difference you note at home may reflect less a matter of inclination than one of enforcement. Here, a girl rarely hopes that small failures will escape notice; she expects correction. At home, where affection and habit soften such distinctions, particularly over the holidays, the same small matters may pass without comment until they accumulate.
I would add one further observation, which may or may not be of relevance. In reading Inez’s letters this term, I have noticed a change in their address. Earlier in the year she wrote regularly to her former nanny; more recently, that correspondence has altered in character, in line with the nanny’s change to a Scottish address. I mention this only because girls long accustomed to one particular form of supervision sometimes register its absence before they are able to name it.
I do not read Inez’s behaviour as defiance, nor even as carelessness. Nothing you describe suggests difficulty beyond the concern you are already giving it. Rather, she appears to respond well where expectations are consistent and correction is immediate.
I hope this is of some use. I will continue to observe Inez as the term progresses and will write again should anything worth noting arise. With every good wish for the New Year.
Yours sincerely,
Nancy
Lady Gwendoline de Vries
Abbey House
Late February 1948
Dear Nancy,
Thank you for your letter. I am grateful for the clarity with which you have set the matter out.
Your distinction between inclination and enforcement seems to me exactly right. It is often easier to attribute small failures to temperament than to examine whether expectations are being held with sufficient firmness. You remind me how readily order establishes itself where correction is visible, and how little repetition is required once a boundary has been made plain.
I am reassured to know that Inez is steady at school and that the routines there suit her as they do. Your remarks about consistency were particularly helpful, and I appreciate the care with which you attend to such details.
It does make me wonder whether what you describe is peculiar to Inez alone. Schools, as you know better than most, are adept at revealing differences in how children respond to structure, particularly where circumstances at home are unsettled or in transition. I should be interested, at some later point, to know whether you have observed similar patterns elsewhere, though there is no urgency in this.
For the present, I am content to let matters settle with the term. Thank you again for your judgement, which I value.
With kind regards,
Yours sincerely,
Gwennie